What If The Life You Want Actually Requires Less

Your life can be full of good things and still feel frantic, thin, and strangely fruitless. Today, we're looking at John 15, where Jesus talks about the vine, the branches, and a Father who prunes, and we get honest about what that looks like outside of church language, right on your calendar, in your home, and in your body.

We walk through why pruning feels painful, why it’s still loving, and how nature makes the point crystal clear. Think tomato plants, grapevines, and the simple truth of limited resources: when everything gets fed a little, nothing gets nourished well. We share stories of cutting back, removing dead wood, and learning that “white space” is not a luxury. It’s how sunlight reaches the inner leaves, how the nervous system calms down, and how you actually have room for the community and connection you’ve been praying for.

Together, we explore how obedience, boundaries, and spiritual discernment can reshape your schedule so you can recover, be present, and bear healthier fruit in spirit, mind, and body.

If you feel the nudge to simplify, listen through to the end and sit with the question: what is God pruning in your life right now? Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs community, and leave a review so more women can find these faith-first conversations.

 We’re so glad you’re here. 

In this quick pause, Melissa shares why Heart & Soul Elevation exists, how Stephanie's and Melissa's coaching work together beautifully, and what you can expect along the way. 

From time to time, we’ll pop in to invite you into things we’re creating - always as an invitation, never a sales pitch. 

Thanks for listening. You belong here. 

Transcript

The Calendar With No White Space

Melissa 0:00

I remember one day we were on our gisting time, and um, you showed me your online calendar. And I was utterly overwhelmed just looking at your calendar, not even trying to put any of it into practice, just seeing it. And I said to you, I said, There's no white space. Every single hour of your calendar was filled with something. There was no white space at all. And I know that you had been praying for community and connection. And I was like, There's no white space? Like, how do how are you gonna fit that in? How are where's that gonna go? Yeah.

Welcome And What We Believe

Melissa 0:42

Welcome to the Heart and Soul Elevation Podcast, where Jesus is first, wellness is lived from the inside out, and women find the connection their souls have been craving.

Stephanie 0:52

We're your hosts, Melissa Holman and Stephanie Pasniokis, two women passionate about weaving scripture and science into everyday life so you can live aligned in spirit, mind, and body in that order. Take a breath, settle in.

Melissa 1:08

Let's elevate together.

John 15 And The Pain Of Pruning

Stephanie 1:13

The other day, um, I even think I in order, I was outside um in the in the sun, getting my sun and sun time. That's S-O-N and S-U-N. It's a great way to start the day, um, physiologically and psychologically and spiritually, all of it. It's just, I love when I can do that. And um right now I can. So I was reading the verse of the day, um, and it happened to be um from uh John uh chapter 15. Everybody knows that is the vine and the branches. And um uh it just it just hit me a different way in the context of everything that has been happening over the last year in my life. Um but I'd like to I'd like to read uh verses two through eight here. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because the word I have spoken to you remain in me, um, and I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself. It must remain in the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing. And if you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers. Such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. So this is Jesus speaking. And every time every next verse I read just exploded my brain all over again. And um the first of the verses, he cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit. Well, gosh darn it, that can hurt.

Melissa 3:22

Well, also remember that's Jesus speaking.

Stephanie 3:26

I know. Yeah, and yeah, he so what he cuts off every branch. So Jesus is saying he, the father, cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit. While every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. So cutting and he's cutting. It applies to him and to me, but it's painful forever.

Melissa 3:58

Well, he's cutting and he's cutting. Because pruning is cutting.

Stephanie 4:07

Yeah, he cuts off the branch entirely and then prunes that which is left. It's it's not and you know, but it's all for the good, right? Because no branch can bear fruit by itself, right? It needs the water, it needs the

Gardening Wisdom For Real Life

Stephanie 4:20

word, it needs life, right? So here I am thinking about when I went, I started gardening um a few years ago. A dear friend of mine allowed me, uh invited me to use half their garden space. And um, it was a wonderful experience. And there's all these tomatoes, and I was reading up about tomatoes and all kinds of things. And um, tomatoes, if you ever get a tomato plant, you notice that, oh my gosh, there's just flowers everywhere, and every flower can become a fruit. And you're like, oh, look at all these tomatoes. This is great. Well, it's not because when you talk to a farmer, another friend of mine is also a farmer, and he actually um had brought us into his greenhouse and showed us this amazingness. But he talks about how he goes through and he trims out a lot of those tomato um branches and flowers so that the what's left, that the resources go to what's left and make nice big fruit, right? And that's tomatoes. Here he was most likely talking about grapes. It's the same, it's the same thing. You need a whole bunch of little grapes, and you've got one set of roots. And the more it's trying to feed, the more, more it has to keep everything up and running, the more it's trying to spin all those plates, whatever analogy you want to use, the less the less attention is given to any one fruit, the less robust it is, the less you're spread too thin.

Melissa 5:39

And you said you said the resources that are left go to uh create uh better uh fruit. You didn't say that just now, but like that's what it is. It is because because before we're trying to we're trying to spread the limited resource, this is the plant. I'm trying to spread the limited resources that I have, the the minerals and everything from the soil, the water that I'm soaking up, the sun that I'm converting. That's limited resources, right? I only have so much. And if I'm trying to make every single flower turn into fruit, they're gonna be tiny fruits. They're gonna be tiny because my resources are spread way too thin.

Stephanie 6:21

Yeah, I mean, if you're having 20 people over and you only have enough food for five people, you're rationing, right? It's not not not nobody's gonna be filled, right? Um leave it to me to to bring it back to food always. However, um, so so every branch that does bear fruit, he prunes so that it will be more fruitful. This is just known. And and and this became more um amazing to me when I actually started gardening. Um and no branch can be bear fruit by itself, remain to me. So I here I am starting my mornings with the sun in the sun, you know, getting the word, um, and and hopefully in my life bearing fruit. But I wanted to talk about the pruning um today. A lot of I wanted to read the whole section, but really I'm talking about pruning because this is what really struck me is that I look back over the last year and oh my gosh, the amount of pruning, the amount of simplifying, the amount of cutting back has happened in my life. Because the other

Obedience Over Overdoing Everything

Stephanie 7:30

thing that happens when you're pruning, it's not just that the resources go to the flowers to create a bigger fruit, but when you're pruning and thinning out the branches, you're I don't know if you've ever had a tree pruned in your yard. We had some done a couple years ago. And what's amazing is that when you thin them out, the sun can hit all of the leaves inside. A lot of them you were not getting the enough light, right? They weren't, they weren't getting the sun. But but when you're pruning, I mean, even the leaves can get bigger and the sun, the sun is hitting more. It's just and they're healthier, healthier all around. Just everything that remains is more vibrant and robust and healthy. And and you're putting your resources into less, you're spreading yourself less than. I'm thinking about my Martha, my Martha tendencies, right? We've had that conversation um fairly recently in the podcast. So uh I'm I'm while it's been a painful process, and I'm the type of person to want to do all the things, I want to do everything. But in order for me to do what God is asking me to do, I had to let Him prune out things that were not serving him. Let alone like forget serving me or not. That for me, that that doesn't matter. And they probably weren't serving me anyway. He knows way better than I do.

Melissa 8:57

Yes, this is a conversation I have so many times with my clients. We can do everything. We are women, hear us roar, we can do it all. We really can, but I can't do it all at the same time, and I have to pick and choose the things that I'm putting my energy into because my resources are limited. I only have so many hours in a day, I only have so much energy to give to all of the different things. I have to pick and I have to choose. I have to prune back the things that don't fit in this day.

Stephanie 9:33

Yeah. And we have to trust, and this is part of my prayer every morning. God, even if it's something that I eventually have to do, even if it's on the list, even if I it it has to be done, if it doesn't need to be done today, if it's gonna be the shiny red ball, if it's gonna be the thing that distracts me from your will today, please make it just take it right out of my brain. I don't even want to know it's there. Block it from my focus, take it out of my line of sight, because and just help me focus on the things that you would have me do. And some days that feels really light. And I'm like, oh, I should have X. And it's like, well, no, because if I should have, and I was supposed to, I would have because I am obedient. The one thing that I want more than anything else is to be the chief obedience officer with God as the the head of my life, the the CEO or the COE, the chief over everything. That's what I want. And so if I'm offering my yes and my obedience every single morning, every single day, and I'm trusting him to to uh guide and lead me, then I then I can also trust that those shoulds, they say don't should yourself. Right, don't should all over yourself. Don't should all over yourself. Don't do it. Um then I get to let that go. It doesn't have to become part of my stress soup. It doesn't have to become, it doesn't have to activate my fight or flight system and go, oh crud, I should have, I should have. I don't have to fear. I don't, I can just right be calm in my body that I did exactly what I was supposed to do that day.

Cutting Back For Healthier Growth

Melissa 11:06

And if we look at nature and we're talking about trees and plants and pruning and everything, when you prune a branch back, it doesn't die. Many times it grows back stronger and healthier in the future. So when I prune something out, it doesn't mean it's gone forever. It may be. I mean, let's be honest, sometimes things need to go away forever.

Stephanie 11:27

Yeah, there are certain branches on my tree that are gone that need to that need to be gone, right?

Melissa 11:32

They were diseased, they were rotting, they were infected, they were infested, whatever. Yes, and it's the same in my life. And some things do need to just go away, but a lot of the things we just prune back for a season, and then they come back stronger and more beautiful the next year. I'm thinking of the peonies that I have in front of my house. They were my grandmother's peonies. Every house that she moved to, she brought them with her. So these peonies out front are my grandmother's. And I don't, I didn't know anything about peonies. So for the first couple of years that we lived here, I just let them do their thing. And they had these black spots all over them. They were barely, barely blooming. I was like, I don't know what's going on. And my sister has a massive green thumb. I did not get the green thumb. She got the green thumb. She has a massive green thumb. And she's like, just go out there and cut them down, like an inch away from the ground. Just cut them back. And I'm I'm thinking to myself, that's gonna kill the plant. Like it's it's gonna die, right? I'm pruning it back, and so I did last year, last fall. I went out and I just cut them all the way down. And then this spring, I am not cut, I'm not joking. They bloomed like they did the last few years, they didn't even really have a scent, the few flowers that were there. This year, the scent of these peonies filled the air, the leaves were lush, waxy green because I pruned them back.

Stephanie 13:54

Yeah, you know, I have a similar story. Last year in the fall, um, I've been afraid to do this. I wasn't sure to trust my landscaper, trust the people that know what they're talking about, by the way. But anyway, I was I was still afraid I was gonna mess it up. I believed them. I just didn't know if I was doing is it the right time, is it the right distance, or what am I supposed to do? But I have these three bushes around my lamppost in the front, and they're the kind that just go wild and they don't really, they're little flowers, they're different colors, whatever. Somebody thought they were planting three of the three, three of the same, and one is different. So go figure. But they're basically the similar. And and at the end of the season, they all die out and it and it looks terrible because now you just got these big, huge, giant balls of sticks just sitting out there. And I was just like, okay, and I just cut them all down. It made it look nicer in the winter, but I cut them all down and I was just praying. I just know that they're not gonna grow in the spring. I just know they're dead, they're gorgeous right now. And what happened before is leaving all that stuff in there, they just ended up just this use, these huge, massive, like not pretty looking things. But because I cut them all down, now they just are they're growing out and they're nice and shaped. And I'm like, holy moly, look at that. It worked, you know? Yep. And uh so, and sometimes you're just pruning out dead wood. There, it's just there, it's take, you know, and and it it the the the plant is trying to feed it and it's not working, like you just gotta get rid of it and yeah, let it heal over. But anyway, this this verse just hit me um differently this week. I there's a I just want to invite everybody. What is God pruning in your life? What is he asking you to let him prune? What are you holding on to that is deadwood,

Space For Community And Calm

Stephanie 15:37

right? Um, and remember, storms come, and what happens after a storm? There's deadwood all over your lawn. Sometimes storms are there to clear things. Um, and for me, uh for me, it's it's a lot of my business stuff. Um, but there's a lot of family, there's so many things. Oh my gosh, I'm thinking of all the different things and all spectrums of my life that he cleared out. And this is what this is what hit me most when I was sitting with my my um morning sun and suntime the other day was that needed to happen because the fruit was an answer to a prayer I had made two years ago before I I had I had been praying it and then I couldn't invite anybody over. So we we wanted I wanted to deepen the relationships and and become more part of the community and my church and and people. I was feeling very strongly about this because I'm I can easily hermit myself away and not connect. Um, and my husband and I were really wanting to do this, and all of a sudden I couldn't entertain. There was nowhere in my house. I mean, it was under construction, I had a baby there, it was chaos, it was just chaos and um good chaos and and and and and getting somewhere, but then everything was done. Um, and the house, you know, things were calm, the business, everything was moving forward, and I had been praying increase people, and so I had started doing those things, but then I was starting to feel like ah, there's too much going on, and I can't, I can't maintain all of this. But that was because I hadn't there was still the dead one, like I hadn't let everything, I hadn't made the space, and I when I alert God of my life, I remember one day we were on our gisting time, and um you showed me your online calendar, and I was utterly overwhelmed just looking at your calendar, not even trying to put any of it into practice, just seeing it.

Melissa 17:38

And I I said to you, I said, There's no white space. Every single hour of your calendar was filled with something. There was no white space at all. And I know that you had been praying for community and connection. And I was like, There's no white space, like how do how are you? How would you fit that in? How are where's that gonna go?

Stephanie 18:01

Yeah. Yes. So, and and the thing is, is by even what I was doing was I was scheduling my community and connection. But what happened was what there was no white space, um the things that that refill me quietly, um, and I don't mean quietly in the like I just mean like in the in when I'm not interacting with others, things like taking care and feeding my sourdough starter, or starting a batch of yogurt, or making some bone broth, or those types of things in the kitchen that um give me staples that I can go to every day and that I just enjoy doing, they really do calm my nervous system. I don't typically schedule those things, and I had no white space. So I was trying to do these things and shove those in, and I literally felt like I was never sitting down. And when I did sit down and I was reading my book, it was like I was like doing it like I have to relax now. Oh my gosh, how can you do that? So allowing God to prune a lot of things out of my life, a lot of things that I thought I needed, which I didn't need, go figure, um, or that I had gotten what I needed out of them.

Melissa 19:10

Yeah.

Stephanie 19:11

Right? They were done. And this opened up all this space where I could be spontaneous. Somebody who likes to plan, I could be spontaneous with my connections. Oh, yeah.

Melissa 19:24

I'll go for a walk. Yeah. You have that friend who's like, hey, let's go for a walk. And before you, before you pruned, before God pruned these things out, there was no time for going for a spontaneous no, I would have been like, hold on, let me see when it's in my calendar.

Stephanie 19:36

Okay, next Friday.

Melissa 19:38

Even though, even though you were praying, God, please, this is what I want. And that is so true for so many of us, right? We know what we want, we have no clue how to get there. And one of the ways is by allowing things to be pruned out.

Stephanie 19:53

And in fact, that's almost always the case. There's a lot of things that we do that are habit. Um,

Sleep Hygiene As A Spiritual Practice

Stephanie 19:58

and I work with my clients on this. We're talking about lifestyle changes and habits, and they're not all, it's not all food movement. Everybody thinks a health coach is about eat less, move more. That couldn't be further from the truth, I have to just tell you. But um, you know, a lot of one that comes up all the time is sleep. Well, I I'm I I need me time at the end of the day, and there is none because their life is so full that they end up staying up extra late and robbing their sleep. That's you know, robbing from Peter to pay Paul, um, robbing their sleep. Yeah, um, to have me time. And of course they don't recover and are starting over the next day more depleted and then more depleted and more depleted because they're they didn't realize that that how how important sleep is to to your to everything. I mean, honestly, everything. And um, and so they but so what we end up doing is like saying, okay, well, what does it look like? What is something that gets pruned in order to give you space before bed to wind down, calm your nervous system, have a consistent like do all the things that are considered good sleep hygiene, which actually is, I mean, look it up. Look up studies and the impacts of good sleep hygiene on mental health, physical health, gut health, metabolism, you name it. There is going to be a study that shows you how important sleep is to all of that, cancer fighting, all of it, heart, cardiovascular health, you name it, sleep is every single time is it going to be a linchpin. And yet we think of it as optional. I certainly did at one point. So that's just one example of a place where we end up compromising because we haven't let God prune and and it's impacting our health and our wellness. And that's the same thing with our community and connection. There needs to be white space so that you can do that. And and not just white space so you have time to do it, but white space where you recover and have the mental and emotional bandwidth for a relationship because it isn't it isn't without effort. Yeah.

Melissa 22:07

And it's easy for us to sit here and say, you know, well, what is it that you need to prune out of your life? But I mean, it's a it's a question that we need to ask ourselves. What what can what can I say goodbye to? What can I let go of for now to be able to get back that time and that space that I need to spend with God, to spend with others, to build that community that that's hardwired into our DNA.

Stephanie 22:32

Have you ever had it where the thing that comes to you is like you have this knee-jerk reaction to go, oh no, anything but that. Anything but that, Lord. And of course, that's the one that has to go. Yeah. Every time. Just I can't think of a time when that's not the case. It usually feels like it's impossible until you do it and you realize the hold that it had over your life. Sometimes the things that get pruned out are things that have become idols. Absolutely. Yeah.

Melissa 22:57

So think about it like what needs

When Good Things Become Idols

Melissa 22:58

to be pruned. What what do I need to let go of to have the very thing that I actually want?

Stephanie 23:06

Yeah. Ask God. Ask God. Ask God to show you or to just do it. Or, you know, but it's it's better that you know. Or even bring someone into my life who can help me figure it out. Like, yeah, that that's totally legitimate. I have to tell you, there are things that I that I have never that I would never have seen if it wasn't for the person God using someone in my life to speak truth to me.

unknown 23:30

Yeah.

Stephanie 23:31

Absolutely. Yeah. Or to confirm something that he's been telling me, which I always ask for. I don't ever just trust the random thoughts that pop into my head as being from God because sometimes they are from God and sometimes they're just random thoughts popping into my head. So, but but that's where that, oh gosh, going for a walk with somebody, having the having a relationship with a godly person or people where you can have these conversations and have that reflected back at you as wisdom, right?

unknown 24:01

Yeah.

Stephanie 24:01

Going to the word is is also obviously uh another source. So you can have the three, you know, multiple perspectives and in and getting that confirmation of what needs to maybe go. And and and God knows your heart. He's not he's not trying to punish you through it, he's trying to help you grow.

Melissa 24:24

Yes, going back to James 1, 2 through 4 from our last episode, right? I don't want to get out of anything prematurely because I want to let it do its work. And part of that work is pruning.

Stephanie 24:39

Amen. So that's the question for you guys. I mean, and it's not just a light question for you to stop the podcast and walk off and go on your merry day and go, hmm, what's for lunch? It really is an important question that deserves some time on your knees with God and saying if my life feels frantic, if it feels chaotic, if it feels too full, if it feels overwhelming, if I if I feel like there's something missing, if there's not enough, if I've got if I've got white space and I'm not and I'm just sort of sitting, like, what is happening? What needs pruning? What what do you need to make space for? What do you need to let God make space for? It's a really, really important question. Thank you for joining us

The Question To Take To God

Stephanie 25:33

here on Heart and Soul Elevation. If this conversation lifted you, share it with another woman who needs community.

Melissa 25:41

Subscribe for more faith first conversations, and for more community, join us over on YouTube where we grow together in real time.

Stephanie 25:51

Until then, may the peace of Christ guard your heart, steady your mind, and strengthen your body.